I never met you, nor do I know your story, yet I love you for you have given me life and I can sense your tears in my soul. I know you were just seventeen, full of excitement and thrill of the future when you married twenty-nine year old Carlos, the dark and handsome military man who was desired by many women of the day. How long had you known him and was your marriage arranged by parents? I sense your pride as you nestled close to Carlos for protection. He was a man of prominence, a general in the Spanish Army, with connections to the royal family, but what of your parents? Were they also a noted group? Somehow I feel they were, because I sense both parents blessed this union.
The wedding: how grand it must have been! Lady, in her white veil with the dark, sultry eyes that were filled with innocence, yet longing for her amor. The little flower girl, was she your sisters child? I know there were many, many people who attended and I see the church is filled with your favorite flowers. I know you love roses, yet I can see the room filled with white, pink and cream colored petals with fragrance of village blossoms. Thats what you loved, wasn't it? Things that grew naturally in your countryside.
Sometimes I get a glimpse in my minds eye of a raven haired girl with flirty eyes and a kind spirit that was as beautiful as the dance she performed. I can see her as the music moves her lithe and rythmic body and I know she feels the song. Carlos must have watched your subtle charm and held you in his heart as no other, for you were the one he chose.
Days and years have passed when next I find you. You have developed the stature of refinement and class. I look at you with admiration for you have style and warmth that embraces all. There is great gentility about you and I can see your sensitivity and delicate emotions. You now have two children (boys) and they are being raised to be a part of the military. How is it that once you were so proud of Carlos in his uniform, but now the idea of your sons in the same uniform rends your heart with fear. Yes, it is a time of trouble in Spain and fear for your children far out way your pride in their future. You are a mother of courage, yet the instinct of protection is far greater. This I understand!
Did you sense the danger in that far off land where your Carlos would be sent as an ambassador? Were you afraid as you boarded the ship or did you feel safety in a new country!
I made visits to the coast of New Orleans looking for your son Carlos, and instead found you and the children walking beside you and you and Carlos, with a touch of grey now at his temples. You are but twenty-eight and Carlos is now forty, but you look so young to be the mother of young Carlos and Guillermo. Some records have crossed out the original name for you and written over it , but it is not discernible. One of the records have Madeline or Madline, but the genealogist says they are almost sure your name was Madalena or Magdalena. I somehow feel that may be right. I saw you when you ushered the boys near to you and Carlos walked one step ahead, always leading and protecting. He is still dashing in his stylish suit and commanding presence where he still catches eyes of the ladies and men look at you with curiosity and mystique.
America, how different, both exciting and foreboding wasn't it? Did either of you have family here in America or were you surrounded by friends who wished happiness and safety for the coming years. Was anyone aware of the danger in a land that wished to annex Cuba, which belonged to your Spain? Wasn't it Carlos duty to report what he found in this country as the south sought to possess Cuba's riches? Wasn't Carlos bringing you and the children here to what he believed would be safety and to escape the bloody civil war that continued to blaze in your land? They say history repeats itself over and over, and so the wars of earth are still afire.
Did your intuition tell you this wouldn't be the land of opportunity for you? Did an inner voice warn there were those who would stop at nothing to bring about your familys fall if it would bring success to their corruption? Carlos, the ever quiet and patient diplomat stood by in unbelief. Where was the honesty and freedom he had heard so much about in this most favored land? It mattered not that the Grand Jury could see through the ruse and refused to indict your husband of kidnapping the opportunistic Rey, who had freed prisoners in Cuba for what he believed would be a large sum of money, only to find out he had been abandoned and there was no money. He, a trusted jailer would sell his country for money that never came, and now he had to find a way to turn his cowardice into the martyr. There were the papers who would crucify Carlos in order to inflame and misdirect attention as they plotted to invade Cuba and continue the slave market and plunder the riches of the island. Didn't they expect him to carefully watch what was happening and report to your land? Yes, they knew he would do just as this country would be expected to watch and protect it from invasion. Carlos just happened to be the one placed in history at the wrong place at a bad time. But the judge said Carlos remained dignified and proper at all times and he was found with out justification to be tried further, but there were many at work who wanted to see his fall.
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Ah, my beautiful lady, I know you were terrified as you watched the scene unfold. It seems Carlos placed you and the boys out of sight where you didn't have to see the ugliness of man and where you could be safe from prying eyes. But where were you? When Carlos tried to escape the nigtmare and went to Cuba to stay with his brother Enrique, where were you? Some people say you may have had a baby girl who died, but I haven't found evidence to support this. When did Carlos return to Spain? You and Guillermo must have been with him for there is no more trace of you in America. Why did your son Carlos stay here? Was it because he was now approaching fifteen years of age and wanted to remain with friends or perhaps you had family here in America? If Guillermo went back with you, I can't find him in Spain, just as I've been unable to find him in America. What happened?
So often your image comes to mind. As I search and over and over I see you on a balcony of what appears to be a Spanish home. The night is clear but still, and I can smell the fragrance of flowering orand blossoms. I envision your delicate body as you clutch your chest and see your heart has broken and the tears rendered despair. What happened to you that night? I have spent a lifetime with that picture in mind and I wonder if this is imagination or are you so imprinted in the memory bank of my genes that I truly can see you. I don't know, but you have remained in my heart so many years and now I am old and I perhaps will leave the discovery to another, and they will care as I have. But for now, I give to you the promise that we will continue the search and at last someday I will see you face to face and will love you then as now.
Genealogists are reasonably sure that you are the mother of Charles Edward Tappana (also known as Carlos) as records have indicated. If so, was it possible for you to see Charles (Carlos) grow into the kind man he was known to be; of the happiness and tears that he would know and share? Did you know he kept his past secret except for a very cherished few who would also remain silent through the years? He had a son named Charles, and did you know when he changed his name to Don Carlos after his grandfather and his dad's original name? Somehow I think you knew..........................
Over a hundred and fifty yeras have passed since you left America, but I cannot find any records of what happened to you. Yet my great grandfather passed the word that you returned to Spain and was never heard from again (there is a hidden mystery that doesn't want to surface, why?) Did your Carlos die or was he killed shortly after you returned to Spain as legend has persisted, if so what happened to you. You or Carlos nor either of your children drew Carlos military pension of which you were eligible and this seems to indicate you never survived. So many things your descended family would like to know..............
But for now, I leave my love and salute you for the generations that have followed. You are the mother of many who grew here in America and wondered of you, the lovely lady, Madelena!
"LADY OF SPAIN, I LOVE YOU"
A note of interest: At a point in my life (a divorce) and long before I started my search something drove me to change my surname. I first chose Madelena (but found there was a family with the name already in town, I then chose Magdalena, but found the family surname here also. I finally chose Marlena! All three names are a variation of Mary of Magdala, did my great great grandmother guide me?
